Hare of the Snake
by marginaliana
Summary: Seventh year Bugs Bunny goes to Care of Magical Creatures.


On his way to Care of Magical Creatures, seventh year Bugs Bunny stroked one of his long, floppy ears in a calculatedly casual manner and grinned at a passing group of giggling fourth years as he passed the greenhouses. _Girls_, he thought. _What odd creatures_. He turned towards his friend and fellow Slytherin Argus "Speedy" Gonzales, and the two of them rolled their eyes in unison.

A moment later another group of students passed by, this time at a run, obviously coming up from the paddock near Hagrid's hut. Some of them were gibbering. Bugs reached out and grabbed one by the collar.

"Eh," he said, giving the Hufflepuff his best skeptically raised eyebrow. "What's all the hubbub, bub?"

"Orange!" said the second year, his eyes wide. "Big... fuzzy... mm-monster!" He wrenched the edge of his robe from Bugs' grasp and scrambled towards the castle, casting a fearful look behind him as he ran. Bugs and Speedy exchanged a dubious glance, then Bugs shrugged and sauntered onward. He'd seen more than enough crazy stuff growing up in the Forbidden Forest - how bad could this possibly be? He voiced the thought.

"I dunno, amigo. Eet ees Hagrid, after all. He has sometheeng of a heestory of picking the strangest things for us."

Bugs nodded and slid into an exaggeratedly camp face. "My, you poisonous spiders must lead such innnnnnteresting lives!" The two of them snorted and Bugs pulled a carrot from his bag, twirling it expertly between his fingers before taking a large bite.

"I betta fortify myself," he commented. By this point they'd almost reached the paddock and Bugs peered over the shoulders of some of the taller seventh years in an attempt to see what was going on. Frustrated, he poked one of them in the back with the stubby end of his carrot and bared his large teeth at Bole when the boy turned to glare. That seemed to do the trick, as he found his path miraculously clear a moment later. Bugs smirked and stepped up to Speedy's side at the front, reminding himself once again to ask his friend just exactly how he always managed to slip through crowds without anyone noticing.

Then the thought fell from his mind as he looked up and the object of everyone's attention came into view.

Hulking behind Hagrid in the pen was a large, hairy, orange animal. Its hands had four fingers with sharp black claws; its eyes were large and white with piercing black pupils. It stood, hunched, looking menacingly at the students as Hagrid tried vainly to silence them so that he could begin his lesson. It breathed heavily. Bugs looked the creature up and down, from the tip of it's lumpy, fuzzy head to the bottom of its sneakered feet.

_Waitaminnit_, he thought. _Sneakered feet? That seems awfully familiar…_ He smirked.

"What's up, monsta?" Bugs said casually. The monster's head whipped up at the sound of Bugs' voice and the conversations around them came to a screeching halt. Upon seeing the rabbit, the monster shrunk back into a corner of the pen.

"Eeeeeeee!" it squealed. "Rabbit!!" Hagrid turned in surprise and the other students burst into confused questions.

"How do you--"

"What on earth--"

"Is this some kind of--"

"QUIET!" shouted Hagrid. "Bugs, wha's all this? A've you seen 'im before? I've tol' you about sneakin' down here after hours, you know."

"Eh," said Bugs, preening a little under the attention and fluttering his ears at the open-mouthed Oliver Wood. "I'd say we have a liiiittle bit of history together. Y'see there was this craaaaaaazy scientist..." He briefly outlined the story of himself, summer before third year, doing the monster's hair in a crumbling castle. By the end of the story the whole class was hysterical with laughter and the monster was twitching with embarassment.

_Even that stick in the mud Weasley can't hide his amusement_, thought Bugs with satisfaction. _I really_ do _have a future in show business_.

Hagrid sighed in exasperation. "Tha' was supposed to be your next project, figurin' 'im out. Now'll have to think of somethin' else for ya to study."

Bugs waggled his carrot and gave Hagrid his most disarming grin. "Gee," he said. "Ain't I a stinker?"


End file.
